{"id":4601,"date":"2019-12-09T13:14:00","date_gmt":"2019-12-09T13:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xnspy.com\/blog\/?p=4601"},"modified":"2026-01-13T13:29:09","modified_gmt":"2026-01-13T13:29:09","slug":"how-parents-invalidate-their-children-and-what-to-do-about-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xnspy.com\/blog\/how-parents-invalidate-their-children-and-what-to-do-about-it.html","title":{"rendered":"How parents invalidate their children and what to do about it"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A study revealed<\/em><\/a>\u00a0that mental health problems are projected to cost around $16 trillion to the world economy by 2030 due to a cumulative loss of 2 billion working days each year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of the most common mental disorders, such as depression and anxiety<\/a>, are directly linked to negative experiences in childhood. While damaging social or physical experiences are relatively easy to identify and manage, emotional experiences frequently fly under the radar and are difficult to identify and resolve. One common example of such an emotional experience is invalidation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Invalidation refers to\na set of behaviors displayed by parents or other adults in a child\u2019s life that\ninclude invalidating the child\u2019s inner experience that minimizes or rejects the\nchild\u2019s emotional experience. Emotional invalidation is difficult to distinguish\nbecause it occurs with distressing frequency, and is even normalized in most\nsocieties. Such behavior can also be conscious or unconscious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So what does emotional\ninvalidation look like in practice?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider the following\nscenarios.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scenario 1: <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Four-year-old Kevin\nregularly complains to his parents that he feels scared of ghosts when he tries\nto sleep. His parents keep telling him that there is nothing to be scared about\nand ask him to go to sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scenario 2:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hannah, an 11-year-old\ngirl, comes home crying one day and tells her father that she lost her\nstationery items at school. The father, who is watching television, tells her\nit\u2019s nothing to worry about and that she is overreacting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scenario 3:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

10-year-old Jason\nsuffers a minor injury while playing in the park. He begins to cry as he walks\nover to his parents, who tell him to stop crying because \u201che is not a little\nboy anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which of the above\nsituations do you think shows parent(s) invalidating their child\u2019s emotions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All of them!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While the above situations\nmay not seem too serious, regularly experiencing invalidation can lead children\nto believe that their feelings don\u2019t matter at all. This can lead them to feel\nrejected and unwanted, even into adulthood. Such a feeling is distressing and\ncan impact healthy psychological development. This is why chronically\ninvalidating behavior is a form of emotional abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children who grow up in emotionally abusive conditions are more likely to develop depression, anxiety, personality disorders<\/a>, and other mental health problems as adults. In adulthood, they suffer from poor self-esteem and have problems with interpersonal boundaries. They find it difficult to feel emotionally safe and experience difficulty in managing stress. It is also very common for children to begin invalidating their own feelings once they reach adulthood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think about it:\ninvalidating someone\u2019s experience is so commonly practiced in our everyday\nlives that little attention is paid when it is done to children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider how commonly\nthe following phrases are used during interactions with our family, friends or\nother loved ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cStop being so\ndramatic.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019re being\noversensitive.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cStop blowing things\nout of proportion.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cForget about it and\nfocus on the positive side.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI also experienced pretty\nbad things, don\u2019t worry about it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is how things\nhappen, you need to get used to it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI don\u2019t understand\nwhy you feel this way; you are very lucky to have XYZ.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cStop the\nanger\/crying\/panic and calm down!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These invalidating\nstatements are frequently used but they minimize or reject the emotional\ndistress felt by the other person and are quite hurtful. Invalidation can also\ntake the form of non-verbal expression such as eye-rolling, waving away the\ndistressed person, or even outright ignoring them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Creating an\nemotionally healthy and validating environment<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now that it is clear\nhow chronic invalidation can cause long-term damage to psychological\nwell-being, here are some tips to create an emotionally healthy and validating\nenvironment:<\/p>\n\n\n\n