When kids grow up into teens, it looks like as if every conversation they have with their parent turns into a heated argument or a shouting match. Sometimes it goes on till the teenage years only or happens over several years. No matter what the timing is, parents go through a very difficult time.
Arguing with anyone you love is an emotionally and mentally exhausting thing to do. If you think that the arguments between you and your child are becoming frequent, something else might be going on.
Here are the five things that you shouldn’t do when you have arguments with your child:
- Don’t assume that your kid would stop the argument
Parenting is a continuous process. Don’t assume that your child is going to stop arguing on his own and you wouldn’t have to bring any substantial change in yourself. Kids, as they grow up are constantly learning and evolving. They are learning new things every day while finding out how to get what they want. You can see the progress for yourself when your child was a baby and cried when hungry. Fast forward three years and they followed you around, tugging on your leg, seeking all your attention. And then came teenage with its tantrums and arguments.
All of these are behaviors which meet certain needs. With time your child began talking and could tell you himself when he was hungry. They learned to get your attention without tugging at your clothes. Similarly, with some time and effort, your teen can definitely learn effective ways to communicate.
Another most important thing is that parent-child arguments do not happen without the parents. If you want your kids to change, you will have to bring some changes in yourself as well. To find a better way to communicate, you should be willing to change your side of the argument too. Nothing can happen on its own without you making an effort for it. The first thing to do is relating to your child. You might need some help from your partner, your child’s teacher, a friend, or any other parenting support. It is not easy to find ways to relate to your child. And the first thing to do in making this change is seeking help.
- Don’t ignore the relationship pattern
Humans cannot stop doing something until they understand, and observe it. We tend to notice a behavioral pattern in others quite easily, such as a mother and daughter squabbling over which top to buy in the mall getting angry and then leaving, without buying anything. And not talking to each other the whole day because of it. Or take the example of your friend who just cannot get along with her child and, they argue over every single thing.
But have you paid attention to your relationship with your child? You asked her to take the trash out, clean up the kitchen, and she refuses to do so. You both argue, yell at each other and, you send her to her room. The key is to recognize the patterns. See what happens, how and what triggers it. When you begin to do your part and change your behavior, this would be really helpful to you.
- Do not escalate the arguments
Quite often than not, we fail to establish the right controls and set limits. We realize this only when things go beyond our control. As parents, we fail to plan ahead and, to be honest, we are not entirely sure how to deal with our teen’s misbehavior and rude attitude. Before we know it things aggravate leading us back into the arguing pattern.
It doesn’t really matter how smart we are, or how well we take our lives. We get into arguments with friends and at the workplace. But when it is your own child, it is a difficult situation. It is important that we stop arguing before they get really bad. The key is to plan a strategy. Avoid getting pulled in an argument even when our teen pushes all the wrong buttons. We either think through whatever we are going to say and how we are going to say it or plan to say nothing at all instead of taking part in the argument.
You have to bring a change in your attitude. And if you want to change the way you relate to your child by establishing rules and limitations, without yelling at them, it is likely that your child wouldn’t respond automatically. They might even try to aggravate the situation and then pull you back into the arguing and screaming to get their way and avoid any repercussions.
If this routine of arguing has been going on for a long time, this means that your child is smart and knows that he always gets his way. You need to plan ahead and stand firm with your non-arguing stance.
- Remember your Priority
Everyone wants to be the best parent for their children. We dream and plan about how we would relate to our children, but as we become parents and our children grow up, the dream gets lost somewhere. It is human to lose sight of our priorities, but we can win it back and get back on track.
Every relationship takes some work and, so does parenting. You need to remember your priorities and how you want your relationship with your child to be. Remembering your priorities assist you in playing the role you want with your kid. It is essential that you work towards building the relationship that you want with your child by adopting more effective parenting roles.
- Do not give up on “change”
For some, parenting is a struggle when kids are disobedient and misbehave with them. But, even if you and your child only have arguments, there is still a chance of hope for you both.
With the willingness and the motivation to change, both parents and kids can make their relationship a lot better.
Do not get discouraged. You are not alone. There are many parents who are working on the same thing, to make their relationship better with their children. The steps mentioned above could lead you to a healthier relationship with your teen. With some time, faith, and effort, you can become a more empowered parent and find better and effective means to communicate with your child.